


Little do you know

by Indigoblau



Series: Songfics [2]
Category: Koe no Katachi
Genre: Character Study, Drabble, F/M, Songfic, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-27 08:27:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15681699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Indigoblau/pseuds/Indigoblau
Summary: Little do you knowI need a little more time-"Little do you know" by Alex & Sierra





	Little do you know

**Author's Note:**

> This just happened because I'm so in love with the relationship between Shoko and Shoya.  
> It's this.. fragile yet unwavering kind of strong, and they both are as well.
> 
> Inspired by this AMV: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qijjcHoyAEw  
> As with every of my fanfics, plz don't mind the messed up capitals, my writing program still is useless, and I have no Beta.  
> (Can't change it bcs I write at work and I can't use anything other rip me)

-  
**Little do you know**  
**How I'm breaking while you fall asleep**  
-

It was dark outside, the trees and the street only illuminated by what little moonlight shone through the thick clouds hangig low on the nightsky.  
Shoko sat on her bed, blanket covering her feet and legs, her hands knotted into each other in a nervous attempt at calming down.  
She didn't wore her hearing aid for it was uncofortable and she didn't want to risk it getting damaged by her tossing around while asleep.  
She used a special kind of alarm clock which worked with vibration rather than a tune, disturbing her to the point where she woke up.  
So Shoko sat in both darkness and silence, feeling a little bit of wind coming through her slightly opened window.  
And while the world around her was sound asleep, a tear leaked out of the corner of her eye.

-  
**Little do you know**  
**I'm still haunted by the memories**  
-

It wasn't like it was dead silent at all, in fact, in her head it was incredibly loud.  
Shoutings, laughter, cracking and humming tornmented her head and drilled a hole into her soul, leaving the oh so vulnerable core of her heart.  
She could see those faces, making grimaces and distorted to a horrible smile directed at her, their eyes piercing through her while their mouths never stopped moving.  
Shoko couldn't make out what they were saying, they mumbled and hid their mouths behind books or hands,not giving her a chance to understand what words they used.  
But she didn't need to, anyway.  
She was deaf, not dumb, and she knew damn well that they were talking about her, were making fun of her disability and how she used writing to communicate.  
The sharp phantom of pain on her ear reminded her of hands, unfriendly, rough hands tearing her hearing aids apart, leaving scratches not only on her ear and face, but on her soul as well.  
The face of this boy appeared right in front of Shoko. With tears now streaming down her cheeks she closed her eyes and shook her head wildly. All this thing were in the past. They were gone.  
She didn't want to remember them anymore.  
How useless she had felt and still was because of her not being able to hear.  
The wrinkles her mother had get because or her.  
But she didn't knew what to do to get rid of them, other than slamming her fists against her head until the throbbing was grave enough to overcome the pictures of a boy with spiky-black hairs and a fierce look in his eyes. To erase the memory of a girl with long hair and a snear on her face.  
Until she the physical hurt was enought to at least match the one in her heart.

-  
**Little do you know**  
**I'm tryna pick myself up piece by piece**  
-

It wasn't until the morning sun blinked through the courtains on her windows that she was able to calm down,  
and for the remainig hour she fell in a light sleep, just to wake up utterly exhausted from both lack of sleep and the crying all night.  
Before showing herself to her mother and sister at the breakfasttable, Shoko went to the bath and tried her best to erase the traces of the horrible night with water, make-up and a forced smile.  
She hab been causing trouble for as long as she could remember, all because of her being deaf.  
This couldn't go on forever, Shoko knew.  
But not just because of her family, but because of herself as well.  
She knew that she was strong enough to get through with her life. Hadn't she shown enough by getting along with her new classmates, with managing dchool as well as voluntary work, helping her sister with homework and being one of the top students at the sign language course she was taking?  
Years had passed since those awful months in this class were noone seemed to be on her side.  
It wasn't an easy way she was walking, it was full of stones and holes, full of people talking to fast and to unclear for her to understand, full of train messages she couldn't understand and discussions of her friends about that new singer she didn't knew because she couldn't understand what they were singing.  
But, inbetween all of this difficulties, there were rays of light as well.  
Spending an easy afternoon with her sister, looking at her incredible photos. Reading this book everyone talked about now and being able to belong. Feeding the ducks in the tranquility of the summers heath.  
There were ups and downs, and Shoko tried her best to get throught them all.

-  
**Little do you know**  
**I need a little more time**  
-

On her way to school she passed the already lifely market street, people selling fruits and vegetables and honey and whatever goods they had got from their fields.  
Eventhough Shoko normally wasn't a big fan of loud, crowded places she loved the market because of it's smells and colors. And because noone expected her to make any sense out of the background humming of voices, dogs barking and birds singing into the fresh morning air.  
Shoko closed her eyes for a moment and drank in the warmth of the morning sun and the peacefull athmosphere.  
As she passed people and doors she almost felt like this morning could be the one where it finally started to get better.  
And in a lot of senses, it did.  
She wasn't afraid to go to school, she wasn't hurt anymore and she had made friends whom she looked forward to meet.  
She could walk along this very market street without fearing someone would come and laugh at her.  
But still, she knew, that she wasn't out of the woods completely yet.  
She knew when a harsh sound next to her startled her, just so she could realize it was the slamming of someones door.  
She knew when she jumped at a touch from behind, just to see that it was Ayana, a friend from school living in this street.  
She knew when she laughed as she walked with Ayana, but inwardly somehow expected for her to turn her back and leaving her.  
She had achieved a lot in the past few years, but there was still a long way to go.  
And Shoko couldn't really decide wether to be happy or sad about this two things.  
And just recently there was all the more reason to be on alert.  
The reason was named Ishida Shoya and had reappeared in her life just a few months ago,  
explaining that he wanted to be friends with her. That he was sorry for all the things he did.

-  
**Underneath it all I've been captured by the hole inside,**  
**I've been holding back for the fear that you might change your mind.**  
**I'm ready to forgive you but forgetting is a harder fight,**  
-

First, Shoko had been sure that the world must hate her as this boy, the very reason why everything had went downhill back then, stood in front of her, pale and visibly uncomfortable, shaking and with tense shoulders.  
He has held up his hands, beautiful, long and slink fingers, forming words that had been stuck on Shokos mind ever since.  
Maybe he had forgotten, probably, that a few years ago, she had signed the very same words. With her own, beaten up and shaking hands, being bullied and mistreated, but nonetheless a kind creature.  
"Let's be friends".  
And as this boy with his smooth hands, the very same hands that did such cruel things, had asked her this words, Shoko couldn't do anything else than agree.  
Maybe this was a trap, maybe he tried tricking her into believing that he had changed.  
She was furious about what had happened back then, she was sad and angry and hated being thrown back so many times in her daily life, but right in this moment where one of the biggest reason for this hatred and agony stood in front of her, she couldn't be mad anymore.  
Because as she looked at Shoya, she saw a broken man, a conflicted, small teenage soul in a body way to big, a shattered heart and this incredibly loud screaming sadness in his eyes.  
Shoko felt sorry for him and she as well remebered the effort she had put into making friends with him for so long back then, but him never respond to it other than screaming at her, making fun of her disability or flat out hurting her physically.  
But as much as Shoko wanted to spew in his face, she couldn't.  
Maybe, just maybe, they both had been given another chance.  
Another chance to make things right, to meet and get to know each other.  
To start all over.

But maybe this was all a trick, after all?  
Maybe Shoya would suddenly announce that he just had toyed with her like before.  
Everytime they met, Shoko was half-expecting it and sometimes she tried to avoid him because her Imagination got the best of her.  
But slowly, step by step Shoko felt like she could trust him again.  
Trust those tender touches and regretful eyes, those tired and sad smiles.  
Shoko wasn't the same anymore, but neither was Shoya.  
They both had changed, and while Shoko had won a great deal of self-esteem and strongness,  
Shoya seemed to have degenerated in those means.  
And it made Shoko sad and a bit glad at the same time,  
and while the hidden anger in her enjoyed his weakness, Shoko herself didn't liked it.  
Because she just couldn't be mad at the man she was in love with.  
This beautiful, insecure and mentally weak teenage boy fate hat once again brought into her life.

-  
**Little do you know**  
**I need a little more time**  
-

Maybe, if they both worked hard on themselves?  
Maybe, if they started to talk about the past?  
Maybe, surely when they both were willing to make it work.  
Surely, it would turn out right.  
And even if she needed more time, even if she saw and felt that he, too, needed more time;  
even then Shoko believed that they could pull through.  
She knew.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
